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Come Away With Me, 4:30 PM, Saturday, June 26, 2010
I've Been Better, It seems Bearable Now, Finally.
It’s been more then 2 years now since I really hung out with any of my high school friends. I’m one of those who didn’t have it easy back in high school. Was never the popular one. Was never the smart one. Was never the favorite one. Overall in a nutshell high school for me was tough, rough and hard. If you ask me back then while I was still in school or just graduated ‘how was school?’ or everything or anything relating to it, I would answer I was miserable and I never felt safe nor appreciated what more felt that I fitted in. I would tell you that all my friends are just for show cause they are just there because they have to or its like some sort of duty or pity. I would tell you they were there only because they needed to use me in their ways to make them feel good about their actions, status or egos. I wasn’t never a friend to anyone cause they all seem like they were just using me for their own benefit. And I guess I used them too in my own way, ultimately for me to feel fit in and belonged. That’s my crime. But I was always loyal to any of my friends back them despite how they treated me and backstabbed me. Though I felt left out like an outcast or being used like only when needed still I stuck to my one true thing I have till these day my loyalty.
I told myself whatever they did or said only made me the person I am today, tough and strong. I became smarter of placing my loyalty only to those who is worth my care and friendship. I still am loyal to all my friends now but I gave up on some. Not proud of the friends I gave up on but I have to move on. So the point really is that I now since 2 days of gathering up with a few high school friends and actually hung out with them I realize I didn’t appreciate the lil things that I had back then. I had actual friends but I just was so dumb not to notice. I didn’t treat them badly or didn’t hang out with them or anything. Just saying all the years then I thought that I never had real friends but I did. And I still do surprisingly. It’s because of these friends that I got through the days of high school. It’s because of them I manage to survive that phase of my teenage life. It’s because of them I didn’t lose myself. It’s because of them I’m still that loyal girl I always had been. My name might be called differently back then compared to now still I’m that person but much smarter in loving myself and knowing when to put myself out there and go the distant for friends who are worth my effort and time and will not make use of me.
Wen Ni and Natalie are the same girl only just at a different phase of Natalie Law Wen Ni’s life. 2 days of hanging out with them just made me see the glimpse of happiness and joy I had in high school. Knowing my high school isn’t as bad as I used to think it is makes it all that easy to know I became a better person and that I did move on to something good. I know still I haven’t found a best friend who I can call mine and I’m not anyone best friends that they can called their own, nor have I found a friend who needs me just as much as I need her/him. I will find that friend one day, someday. :) No matter what happens to me or what gets thrown at me I will never give up that trait I hold so dearly onto, loyalty. That me is the one I do not wanna lose when things really gets tough and rough.
Last thing I wanna say and it’s been forever that I wanna say this, ‘I’ve move on baby just like you. That someday I used to say back then is now. It did break my heart but baby just like you I’ve finally moved on.’