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Come Away With Me, 4:08 PM, Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Including today it will be a week before the day comes. To be even more precise is less than seven days. *breathes in & out* I can hear my the beat of my heart like is right next to ear and I can feel the beat beating in my head and the rest of my body. Maybe I'm just nervous cause I can hardly breathe when I think about it. I try not to but I rather think about it then talk about it. I've always been more of a thinker and just kept things to myself as much as I can. So yeah, I'm counting down to the day, I don't want to. I tried not to. When I do I just do something like anything I get myself to not think. I watch tv series like The Big Bang Theory, True Blood and The L Word. But I sleep most of the time cause its by the best place I can go to for a peaceful blissful time.
I don't wanna count down the days, its ridiculous and I think it just gives me hope and it will lead to expectations. Which is the last thing I want in my case. It wasn't a big deal then and it shouldn't start now. I wasn't brought up that way. And now as long as I can I'm holding on to the remaining days of the teen years and all those memories that goes along with it. I'm not ready to just yet say goodbye and start a whole new clean slate as I planned to. What if tomorrow never comes? Wouldn't that be just wishful thinking. Time is going so much faster then I hope it would. I can't photograph every moment I wanna keep long enough to be in my head. To be images that I could playback whenever I want to wherever I want to. I don't know how I go through these past few years so blur. And now I just wanna lay in bed and never get out of it.