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Come Away With Me, 12:06 PM, Monday, October 12, 2009
We begin life with few obligations. We pledge allegiance to the flag. We swear to return our library books. But as we get older we take vows, make promises, get burden by commitments, to do no harm, to tell the truth and nothing but, to love, to cherish till death do us part. So we just keep running up the tap till we owe everything to everybody and suddenly…what the.
The thing about being a human, everybody wants a piece of you and you want a piece of everyone. We take one little oath, and suddenly we’re drowning in obligations. To our family, to our friends, to our colleagues, to ourselves. So we do what any sane person would do. We run like hell from our promises, hoping they’ll be forgotten. But sooner or later, they always catch up. And sometimes you find the obligation you dread the most isn’t worth running from at all.
I for one am a person who doesn't really believe in promises. Maybe because I grew up in a family where we don't often make promises and even though we do, it never happens, it just slips away and me as a little girl would just get sad and blue and disappointed then move on. Then it came high school and it because much more complicated and messy. Friends promises that you're BFF or that to be honest with each other and other silly promises. All these promises are being said and being taken for granted.
As a fool I was then I fall for it and hit hard rock bottom when the closest friend you think they are true and had your back just turn on you over other friends or for a boy or girl. So why bother then right you would say? They are not worth my effort but they are all I have whether I like it or not. I have no choice. They are my friend nonetheless despite their actions and promises. I ain't like them who are able to just walk away and find new ones. Loyalty back then was my best side and my worst enemy.
So yes, promises to me now means so little. You can promise me anything but I would just take it in with a node and a smile but forget about it the next minute cause you guys will. But deep down who am I kidding, I'm still that little girl who grows up with two brothers trying to put up a tough look and act strong but put that all aside I cling on those promises that people made to me. I'm a fool still to this very day. Some say I'm Noble and big hearted. Well, screw that.
Promises to me are like obligations I have set out to do and I do it. I try not to make promises to anyone not even to best close friends cause I do not want to be just that person who says it and don't mean it and let it slip away. I would only promises something which I know I can do. For the rest I would just try my best.
So promise not to promise anymore and I will take the chain off the door when you come around again.
So do not make any promises cause I do not need any more false hope to cling on to. I don't say a lot of things but I'm not what you think I am. Through it all, the tough strong exterior look, the noble big hearted, the caring, the protective is all just to cover up, how scared I am and how insecure I am. So just.. promise not to promise anymore cause I can't be having myself go through all of this over and over again and end up tearing all alone in my room and hoping my little brother next door hears nothing. Or maybe my little brother was right, I do have bad useless unappreciated friends.
The promises you make and made, stops here. I'm done. No more empty promises. I'm a fool as a fool can be. I mean it this time.