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So Come Away With Me to my side of the story and hear me out.
Come Away With Me, 3:41 PM, Sunday, October 11, 2009
For me to find a good pill to stop the pain. To heal the wounds. To give me the air I need to breathe would be Grey's Anatomy. I know it sounds stupid. But from a person who finds it hard to fall on a friends shoulder and just pour things out, I think it is my best choice I have. Grey's Anatomy never fails to make me feel alive again after a bad day, a bad dream, a bad fall or anything bad for the matter of fact. I'm not as lucky as some of you who has a person on your phone to call when your down and have no where to run to.
Just this morning I couldn't breathe. Barely even have enough sleep. Can't even eat anything. I lay back down on my bed and try to calm myself down by watching the last few episode of Season 3 Psych then move on to Episode 5 of 90210 then to Episode 4 of Gossip Girl still in between those shows I've watched I still couldn't breathe properly. I thought in my gut something might happen or its something in the future that I'm more afraid of. I can't stop thinking bout what is that very thing that I'm afraid of. So I figure the best show to watch is Grey's cause whenever I watch it. I could tear a bit and I would allow myself to tear and let down my guard for a lil while to be a normal human. And this episode of Grey's talked about Paranoia. And true enough I could relate and felt some sort of relief and I could slow catch my breathe and breathe in the air around me as usual.
Maybe it was the song The Chain by Ingrid Michealson. As I listen to bittersweet songs all the time and able to lead me back to reality just by listen to the cheesy queasy lyrics. Or just really emo but yet true songs that U can relate to. I'm sorry for I'm not a person who breaks down in person and cry and talk. I'm just not that person. I act tough cause I have to. I've to be strong cause I have to. Though I'm the one always coming here to write about how I can't breathe and what a damage and mess I am.
The sky looks pissed The wind talks back The bones are shifting in my skin And you my love are gone
My room seems wrong The bed wont fit I cannot seem to operate and you my love are gone
So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take, then I will take The chain from off the door
I'll never say that I'll never love, Oh, but I don't say a lot of things, And you my love are gone
So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take the chain from off the door.
We're all susceptible to paranoia, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.
But at the midst of all this that I'm stumbling and tripping over this morning till now. I could have really need somebody but all this year I learnt to be able to survive on what I have. And I find that I'm finally able to breathe and look back that I had quite a awesome day yesterday with a friend who I may call best and close. If there were another person other then Vina to open up to, is her. And to have only known her for 10 months could barely cut it out cause it seems like I known her longer then that.
Anyways. I did something at least before my holiday comes to an end. Me and Karmun went from Rojak at Kepong to Tong Shui then to Petaling Street then to KLCC then back to Kepong to have RotiCanai. :) And Praevina Raj and Nisha (ShamaSelvaraj) I miss you guys a lot. Dila and Ashikin you guys too!
And Karmun if your reading this. I would love to take all the credit for what you have said but if the person or object was beautiful, pretty or good I wouldn't be able to do what I do and be what I be, a photographer. And thanks for believing in me.