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Come Away With Me, 12:08 PM, Monday, August 31, 2009
What makes a person good? What makes a person decent? What makes a person knows that they have people who take advantage of who they are? What makes a person stick with people who don't appreciate your kindness and takes it for granted?
Till this day to me it hasn't really hit me hard enough to make me fall on my ass and say I have enough of this crap. Till this day I've only heard a few ones who cared enough to let me know not to be too nice, too easy going, too anything when around everyone. On Saturday itself my brother told me that he dislike some of my friends cause they take me for granted. He thinks I shouldn't be that 'cincai' when I go out with friends. I guess I inherited this trait from my dad. I don't care honestly if my friends take me for granted or like remembers what I did and repay it to me. I don't care cause I'm numb towards trying to figure out who truly cares and who doesn't or who appreciates my actions or who treats me as a real friend. If I were to pick and choose then I wouldn't be me. I can't be like some of you who rather wait for people to make the 1st move or pick and chooses your friend. I can't be mean when I'm angry. I can't be sarcastic enough to actually hurt people feelings. I more like the person who didn't intentionally wanna hurt somebody but still hurt somebody without knowing how or when I did it.
I just wanna be me and go with the flow no matter who I am with. I can be with sucky using you kind of friends but I still wanna be me. I don't wanna keep score of who treats me this and that way. Its so pointless and childish. It isn't my lost for not appreciating things its theirs. It would only be my lost if I change my principle the very one I stand on since I could remember when. I'm not your average kind of girl. I don't wanna be your average kind of girl. This is seriously random and just retarded of me. I'm bored as hell here in Starbucks cause I misread my schedule that I was suppose to come in for work at 1pm not 11am.
"There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices that you can’t even figure out why you're making. A wise man once said – “You can have anything in life if you’re willing to sacrifice everything else for it.” What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you’re willing to lose. Too often going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you’ve spent a lifetime building. Of course the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don’t see coming. When we don’t have time to come up with a strategy to pick sides… Or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that’s when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."
I may not have many true friends that will stay with me in life but at least I'm one of them who tries to keep them in my life as long as I possibly can and I don't hold back.Things don't just happen if you just wish for it. Life certainly don't go the way you want it to be just by sitting there. I don't care if being doing what I do now is putting me in a losing game. Maybe I just have to wait for the day that really something or someone would hit me hard enough to make me fall flat ass on the ground then would I be willing to change my ways. For now, its back to stoning away here till I start my shift. 3 days working in a row and in this puasa period is shit ass boring as hell. :(