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and just judging who I am and what I write about.
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Come Away With Me, 8:40 PM, Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Stop and Stare cause its All or Nothing
I've got a confession to make. I'm no good in anything I do. I think I'm good at it but the truth is I'm not. Someone will always be better in me. I've nothing to call my own, my moment of control. I've none. Maybe is me who have no confidence in myself or whatever you like to put it. I'm just not good in anything I like and love.
What bumps me out is I can't be really good and what I do. I can be average and that's all I can ever feel. I never once truly feel that I'm good in this or maybe that. I'm always the one who barely passes or just your every other average girl. I might seem all tough and hardcore. I'm not. Some of you even think I'm good in camps and I lead well as a leader. Truth is, I'm just not. Here I am saying this and there you guys saying yeah right in your minds.
And lately, I have this craving to wanting to SMOKE! Yes, as in I wanna smoke cigarettes. I don't know why la alright. I just want to. You know how it feels like to think that you are good in something but actually you're just fooling yourself when you look yourself in the mirror? That's how I feel. I've never been in control in anything. Maybe I have but its just for a moment. I have crash and burn. I rise back up. I stand back up. Now to be honest, I just want to runaway. I wanna count 1 2 3 4 and just runaway to a place where I do not know anyone and just get away from all this.
I don't wanna be that person who can be heard but yet get ignored and neglected. I've like so many nasty things to say right now but I can't. I don't even have the guts to stand on my ground anymore. The reason why I can't be heard is because I'm just too soft. I'm no Superman.
I wanna smoke. I wanna runaway. I wanna be good in what I do best. I wanna be heard.