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Come Away With Me, 8:26 AM, Friday, June 12, 2009
I must be pretty messed up to be blogging at such an hour. Its 8:27am now. Just went and pick up the cleaner. Its not a good morning to start with. Dad asked me to bring the car to go pump petrol and while on my way back I drive aimlessly to anywhere just to breath a little fresh air. The air wasn't fresh at all. The sun was bright due to the haze. Is it cause of the haze that I'm so messed up?
Cause I'm feeling something that I can't figure out myself. Been tossing and turning all night. Fall asleep then I will just jerk and wake up. And it kept repeating till I just stare blankly at every corner of my room. My mind is pretty blank now. Like I said. I'm pretty aimless and blur. I just feel something. Something not right. Something stirring up deep inside. I feel heavy. My chest feels heavy so does my heart.
I want this to go away. Not like I'm giving it much thought but it just there. Crawling out of me slowly. Why can't I not have all these kind of stormy emotions? I can't sleep properly nor eat normally. Well, I don't eat that much anyway and I think I'm having gastric or some sort. Since my stomach is being a bitch for almost a week. Damn it. I don't even know what to think. Maybe its the weather. How the sun is being block by haze and all. I don't know. I'm giving lame excuses.
I'm listening to songs that used to be able to cheer me up and give me that certain kick on the butt wake up call along with a bit of motivation but it doesn't work. I used to just sleep it off and yet I can't even sleep now. I wanna work. I need to work. I need to be worn out. I need to be torn apart. I need to be busy. I need to be tired. I need to sleep. I don't wanna be lost like this for even a night. Because a night like this just feels like its a nightmare then will never end.
I've been trying to text people but I just couldn't hit the send button and I end up deleting the text message and minutes later I type yet another text and end up repeating my actions. Damn it la. What I need is not a break. What I need is to be working my ass off and be tired and come home and sleep. Since I can't figure out what the bloody hell is wrong with me I might as well just work myself out to a certain point where my body and mind just can't take it and I will crash and burn. Not crash and burn but crash on my bed and just sleep.
I can't make any sense of myself. I can't make sense of my behavior and life. I'm too tired to be chasing lights all the time. I bet you guys are so tired of all this. So am I. But what the hell is my blog. I wanna be just dark and twisty with emo to add in here in my blog. Cause this is the only place I can go to and if you don't like it then just fark off and go read some happy bimbo cheery blog aite. I'm not in the mood to please everyone right now nor trying to not hurt your feelings.