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and just judging who I am and what I write about.
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Come Away With Me, 3:34 PM, Thursday, June 18, 2009
Is not easy to be good at what you love cause you would have much high expectations for yourself to try to perfect it in any way possible. I myself don't think I'm good enough for anything and everything. I don't think I'm a good enough friend, sister, daughter, student, cousin and a barista not forgetting photographer.
I know you guys feel it too. I'm just at the verge of looking for who I am and who I am to be. Where do I go for here? I've my future plan out its all in my head yet I don't seem to be going no where. I'm just stuck here in this moment where I'm going where to flow takes me. I'm not making my own decision but rather I follow someone else's decision. Its not me to just follow but at this point I don't feel like I'm worthy or capable of doing anything. I suck at doing what I love. I'm in no control of mostly everything in my life.
You might think I'm just here emo-ing but to me it isn't emo. You might think I'm a attention seeker or something but I'm not. I'm not putting a gun to your head right now to ask you read my blog am I? I didn't ask for you to read my blog unless its something happy or funny.
Its more like I'm in the state of finding who I am and trying to make do with what life has to offer me and just live through each day with a dream, a goal. I'm just lost right now. I don't really have an aim in life. My goal and dreams just seems so blur and distant. I do not know who I am simply cause I can't figure out where I stand. I'm just tired of looking for something or maybe someone to make this feeling stop. This feeling that is making me this way. I know its all in the state of our minds. Well for your information I'm more of a heart person then a mind person if you have notice.
I rather listen to my heart and gut then to my mind. I might not be a good choice but it's my choice nonetheless. I am who I am today is cause I listen to my heart. I may get lost and stranded all the time but I have yet to give up. So it counts for something right? I learn different things from each and everyone of you. Bad or good it doesn't matter. I'm not really making much sense aren't I? I'm sorry. I'm just not myself. I wanna smoke. So yeah. I'm totally not myself. Its no lie that I'm putting a mask everyday now a days and hiding how I really feel. I'm pretending most of the time now so I can't really tell which is real anymore now.