Come Away With me

Shhhh.. Don't speak till you read. Don't judge till you judge yourself.
Just a place for me to speak freely without anyone breathing down my neck
and just judging who I am and what I write about.
If you do have something to say nonetheless then I shall listen. :]

For a more photographic blog do hop over the links and click on 'My Tumblr Blog'.

So Come Away With Me to my side of the story and hear me out.
Natalie Law

Come Away With Me, 10:25 PM, Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Broken Beaten Fighter

Why is it that I even bother trying in life? Specially to things and people who are being thrown at me from time to time. Imagine this, I'm a fighter in a ring who is figthing for nothing. Battle after battle. Combat after combat. I lost track of what I'm fighting for already in life. I'm a tired beaten fighter inside cause I am broken. What am I fighting for?

I hate myself for a lot of things. I blame myself for a lot of things as well. I hate myself for not being able to hate some of you. I hate myself for having to fake it everyday, where I go to college acting faking being hyper, happy and crazy nuts that speaks so loud till people walks pass laughing or whatever you like to call it. I've no life really that is why I am a boring person.

I know I do not fake it everyday but when I am all alone you know what happens? I changed. I changed into this dark and twisty person who is sad and just screwed up inside. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, I get it. I also get that whatever that I've been through others have been through the exact same thing. So shouldn't I be a much better and stronger fighter mentally wise? Cause its kinda obvious I am not.

I'm not sempurna. I'm not perfect. That I know but I'm trying so hard here to make things work in things that have been through to me. I take it as a challenge, as another battle I have to fight in order to be own my way to far greater things in time to come. But right at this moment and for all the pass moments that I am here writing my heart out about how I feel just don't make sense to me.

I am happy but why am I sad at the same time? Am I that selfish to want everything to be just fine? It doesn't have to go my way all the time but I just want it to go my way once in a blue moon maybe? Sigh. I have friends who I can go to.So why aren't I running to them instead I'm running to those who doesn't seem to care a bug about me or what's happening with me. What cool awesome friends I have no? I've turn into a person whom I do not know of now.

I used to believe in something and that something now has lost its meaning. I'm lost. I do not know where am I going. I do not know what am I doing. All I know is that I'm trying not to fake it as I wanna enjoy life and still see the bright side of life. I have to be back a true fighter and find my way back. Find the hope I once lost. Find the faith I once have. Find the belief that I once believe. And fight for it to make a difference.

I shall stop ranting over and over. It's sickening for me to do this all the time. I wish now that it would rain really heavy with thunder and lightning all so I can go out and shot hoops for an hour or so and just cry it all out. Then come back and punch on the punching bag till my knuckles turns purple-ish.

Does anyone have a heart?
Why do I ever bother?

Come Away With Me, 12:36 AM, Sunday, March 29, 2009

Shoulder

Back. A lil scar from KYC camp last December

Left elbow

All bruises from Parkour :) I have one more on my lower right back but there's no sign of blue blacks nor purple aite. Cause apparently that place hurts the most compare to the 3 places from the above. :) Can't wait till coming Wednesday to role and vault again. Thanks to Aris and Marc who willing to teach us and I got to know new friends who are all guys wei.

Besides the bruises from Parkour. I went to Mid-Valley twice in 2 days which I manage to catch 2 movies. Watching Knowing with Kar Mun was fun. :) the ending of the movie really sucked. Then today with Ashikin and Dila! Our very 1st outing since 3 semester tau! We went from Confession of a Shopaholic to Marley & Me to Hotels of Dogs to Race to Witch Mountain and we finally ended up watching City of Ember! XD Damn farny la we 3. Talk talk talk while waiting to buy tickets. Shopaholic tickets were sold out so City of Ember was not bad at all! Matter of fact we 3 thinks its awesome.

I got so many photo albums just waiting on my desktop waiting to be upload and be blogged about. T.T 11-12 albums to be exact at the current moment. I've bump into a old friend which we kinda do not keep in touch no more so its really sad cause we didn't talk much and it got me thinking actually. sign. Anyways been addicted to Why Can't I by Liz Phair lately.

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Awesome weekend
Awesome friends

Come Away With Me, 10:50 PM, Friday, March 27, 2009

Parkour

What's Parkour you may ask? Cause I ask myself the very same thing when I 1st heard it. But I've seen Parkour before in movies and in some article long long time ago and never really actually got into it.

Parkour, sometimes also abbreviated to PK or l'art du déplacement in French. In English, is the art of movement is an activity with the aim of moving from one point to another as efficiently and quickly as possible, using principally the abilities of the human body. It is meant to help one overcome obstacles, which can be anything in the surrounding environment—from branches and rocks to rails and concrete walls—and can be practiced in both rural and urban areas. Parkour practitioners are referred to as traceurs, or traceuses for females. Founded by David Belle, parkour focuses on practising efficient movements to develop one's body and mind to be able to overcome obstacles in an emergency.

I've tried doing this. It's called vault.

This is the new sport that I have grown to love and have passion for already. Its really fun but it goes by the saying, "No Pain No Gain". I got bruises on my back n right shoulders and other parts of me body. But I enjoyed the whole process. And worst scaring thing to say, I somehow enjoyed the pain as well.

Vie,

Thank you!
Thank you for the song too..
Love ya. Hugs.

Broken Strings
by James Morrison
feat Nelly Furtado

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again.

Parkour I Love
Broken Strings too

Come Away With Me, 11:07 PM, Monday, March 23, 2009

Our shoe :)
KM, its our shoe. Lol.
Only with words on it.

Come Away With Me, 6:49 PM,

How does it feel like to have a friend that you know have you back?
Does it feel like you are in cloud nine? Does it feel secured?
How should I know? I never experienced it before.
Why don't you tell me? Share with me then?

Do you see what I see? Please tell me you do,
cause if not. This is nothing but just a picture.

All we want is to know that there is at least some one there that we can call a true friend.
I don't know how it feels like. And I stop trying to find out how it feels like. I take anything that comes my way these days, bad or good it doesn't matter that much to me anymore. I've said this before long time ago, where that one can feel alone and lonely while knowing so many friends.

Is it bad of me to say that I don't think I have a friend like that? Maybe I do, then it can only explain how blind I am for not seeing them then. But could I be the one to blame? How can a person like be even think of such questions when I have so many friends. Friends who makes me laugh and smile. Sigh. You guys must be thinking, Nat's EMO. :)

I wish I was emo then I could just crank up Mika's, Avril's, Simple Plan, Faber Drive, Leona Lewis, Amy Pearson, Kelly Clarkson, Frank Sinatra, Pink, Paramore, Beyonce, PCD and so much more artist and their songs and get it over and done with but it isn't that simple. How I wish it is really that simple then I wouldn't be here writing this post. It's me reflecting back on my life and how I feel.

But why am I finding so hard to know that all this is normal and that I'm not the only one who goes through life like this and think of things like this from time to time? Ish. I get mad at myself whenever I think about all this. Thinking how can I be so weak. Thinking how can I allow myself to be eaten up by all this crap. I get frustrated with myself.

I guess part of why I am going through all this is stress. T_T I got few more assignments to go along with presentations. But I doubt it is all about stress. I think its what every of us wants which is for people to care and take note of what you have done, be acknowledge and not being taken for granted and just give a pat of the back once a while. I guess its positive stroking that everyone of us needs. :)

Let That Be Enough

Come Away With Me, 2:01 PM, Sunday, March 22, 2009

I go to you.
I knock on your door.
I run to you.
Most of all I feel safe when I am with you.

I've been stressed out lately, who isn't? I know all me friends in HELP Foundation is stressed out. For most of us, it’s the toughest semester ever. :) So you know, when I face a problem that I can't a solution for at the moment or when I'm sooper stressed out with everything even quiz and exams or when I'm just so frustrated with group assignments. What do I do? I go to my BED!

No, seriously. I go to my bed! The scent of my blanket when I curled up in it. The scent of my pillow when I hugged it like there's no tomorrow. It never fails to calm me down and to hear my own heartbeat and my breathing. Being in my bed, hugging my pillow tightly and curling up in my blanket is the best thing ever. It makes my problems go away for just that very few hours which I needed to get me back together and face the world the next day.

It makes me feel like everything will be alright. It gives me; myself and I, an alone time to think back and try to solve things with a calm mind without distractions. I love my bed. I love my pillow. I love my blanket. I love everything of how it makes me feel, when I feel like I got no one no friend to run to with my thoughts and messed up me.

Being with friends who can make you laugh and smile are hard to come by. I have them all around me at college. Which is why I will go all out for them and having their backs. Anyways, I’m off topic here. Never mind, let me go off topic one more time, k? Bare with me, I just found out that my Activ10 is not my active 10 at all. I don’t text them as much as I thought I would yet they are in my Activ10, which means nothing. All my Activ10 friends have all drifted apart. So I don’t think a new Activ10 will be necessary for me. So I deleted all my Activ10 and decided to leave it empty and blank as how my phone is. My phone hardly beeps nor rings. :) So when ever it rings or beep, I will like get a shock or jerk. Hahaha. And it never fails to surprise me that I do have friends who care about me. That is why I say a simple message means like the whole world to me.

Alright, back to the main topic. I know I have friends I can run to but I do not want to ruin their day nor rain on their parade. And maybe I’m just afraid of running to them, letting them know I am not alright and I need them to be here with me. It’s hard to show how I feel on my face at college. But I when I don’t feel alright, being next to my friends is all I really need. They don’t have to know nor do I have to tell. Cause their laughter and smiles are the cure really.

My bed,
My alone time

Come Away With Me, 9:51 PM, Saturday, March 21, 2009

Tattoo or not to tattoo?

I wanna get myself a tattoo after finals. But the thing is my parents do not allow. I want one for years since high school. I don't want temporary ones. I want a permanent one that last till I'm 6ft under. I'm gonna get it behind their back.

My life is a bore really. I'm a BORING person. There's so much I wanna do but I can't all because my parents say NO. Not that getting a tattoo will make me less of a bore but is the fact that I wanted one since high school. :)

That other day, Ally, Jia Huey and Khai Sim and me played the game 'I never done... before' and I realize there's a lot I really never done before. Like a lot. sigh. I want a tattoo!! I want either of the followings.

刘 or 劉
(my surname in simplified or tradition character)

Tu Amor
in Spanish, meaning Your Love

Amor
Spanish also but it means, Love and Devotion

(way smaller version)
Or

(way smaller version as well)

Kar Mun! Natasha! Let's go get one! Then you guys can pick one for me or follow me!

Just Like A Tattoo
I will always Tu Amor.

Come Away With Me, 11:40 AM,

Is Me + Me Friends = Friendship?
That last and mean something.

I've been thinking lately about something that just bugs me every night before I fall asleep or more often whenever I am alone having me time to myself.

Would the friends I know now, last?

Or will it just be the ones where when you need help? Where you take out your phone or go through your e-mail contacts and text or leave a message them, out of no where after months or years without keeping in touch and going out to have a drink?

Or will it just go away after the new semester has come where we all part our on ways?

I want things to last specially relationships with whoever I am close to and got to know them through time. I don't want... Wait, is more like I don't LIKE to see relationships that last just for a few months like every semester you meet new friends then you leave you old friends that kind of thing. Well, you get the idea right?

Some of you may think WTH am I'm like this or why am I thinking so much. Well, maybe because I don't really like the fact where friends these days aren't really friends? What happen to those days where friends will like still hang out after you moved away and all kinds of other things? Even though I hate my high school and most of my high school friends. I still keep in touch with a few cause they were like really friends worth keeping.

And maybe because of high school. I appreciate my friends that I have and know of now more than ever. So I should thank my friends back from high school no? :) Friends are practically family when you are outside in the big big world. Friends get you through craps and give you strength. Friends are there when you stressed out and feel stupid.

I've cool and awesome friends at college. They rock my life I dare to say. XD They are really nice and just simply awesome lar. Wanna know who they are? =D Wanna know is it you? Stay tune k.

Come back to my point. I apreciate all my friends a lot. I can take their tantrums, their laughters, their tears, their fits and I definitely have their backs. But I wonder sometimes do I really have their backs. Because I feel useless all the time. Then I go thinking how I wish I was Ken, my little brother cause he is much more fun than me.

My friends and, me and Ken's friend think he is the bomb of fun and wittyness! My brother is so much funnier than me. Actually he is a lot things than me. Even better actually. I'm like the average of everything. Never too good at anything but always average. :)

I even wonder at times how can my friends now handle me when I'm such a bore. I don't go shopping not that I hate it.. and the list goes on.. :) I think if given a choice between me and Ken. Ken would be winning.

Me or Ken, it doesn't matter or does it matter? I don't know. I love my little brother still either way. I just wanna say, Thank you for all the musics that you have given to me. For all that is true, every music has its own moments. And you guys, me friends gave that to me when I'm in HMC when I needed HELP. :) I love you guys. and I miss you guys lar... I'm so cheesy and sentimental. ish!

I'm a bore.
Would you still befriend with a person like me?

Come Away With Me, 9:45 PM, Sunday, March 8, 2009

Sunday Breakfast anyone?
With the Sweet Sixteens!!

Sunday, 08/03/09 at IKEA Mutiara Damansara