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Come Away With Me, 9:33 PM, Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Knowing how I had a really rough start on my mid-terms. I screwed Stats last Saturday and today I screwed Econs. Dad's in bad shape it seems. Don't see just how can mom and him joke about it at the dinner table. Dinner table is where adult talk. And I for once just keep really quiet through out tonight dinner as they talk about the test my dad is gonna go through and surgery. He couldn't even pass Level 2 and my uncle was at Level 4.
I don't see the humor where I knowing my dad might have a bad heart due to block arteries! When mom told me in the car on our back home just now. It hit me hard and yet I held the tears back and just said an "Ouh.." in a cool tone. My eyes were wet and I could hear myself breathing heavily and in my mind was, "Fcuk. again?".
Thinking it would be easier as I been through these situations so many times, it is not. I'm easily bruise, what more bad news about family? Uncle said we've bad genes and that I should start getting back into shape. My mom as usual cool as an ice queen. I know she cares but is just so her to be cold.
I'm the most emotional child in my family. So is like where is Ken? Where is Marcus? All a sudden I have the urge to ask them to come back home. But mom said, no. What can they do. Let them know after dad goes through with surgery. Which hopefully, he doesn't have to. I hate the hospital. I hate the smells. I hate the room. I hate the white dull walls. I guess I just hate seeing the unknown. I hate being not able to do anything when all these years, I've been trying to do everything.
Dad will be doing exercise soon which is really what he needs. And me, I've to get back my stamina that I missed so much but yet couldn't find the determination to see it through. I miss shooting hoops. I miss sparring with opponents. I miss all the training I used to have.
I'm just really messed up now. Can't really think straight. I got 2 more papers for mid-terms. This weekend I shall start to gain back what I have given up long time ago.