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Come Away With Me, 2:26 PM, Sunday, February 22, 2009
Do humans deserve 2nd chances? Better yet, do humans deserve 3rd chance? Or is it strike out? I'm still very much holding on to my past for no reasons or what so ever. My past isn't interesting, isn't sweet, isn't all that happy go lucky nor is it fun. My past was more like, being back stabbed, being the one to take the blame when things go wrong & when it goes great I'm not given the credit. My past is more like me being taken for granted and unappreciated.
Since young or rather since I can ever remember I lost my grandma(my dad's mom) then my grandpa(my mom's daddy) then my grandma(also my mom's mommy) to sickness then uncles to accidents. It sad and just scary losing loved ones around me one by one. I grief and cry what's the point. They won't come back. I miss my grandma and how she would just stroke my thighs and asked me, "Ni Ni, eat full d ah? How's school?"(in canto). I miss her.
I miss my sucky crappy back stabbing high school friends as well. They can be so fake yet here I am blogging about then. FCUK la wei. I hate my high school life so badly. I think I mention that before. I just hate how all my years there is just wasted! No happy endings. No laughter's nor moments even for me to look back on and think it is all worth it.
Maybe is because of all these experience. I learnt to capture moments and seize them as it is as tight as I possibly can. I'm frustrated. Again I bleed. Again I scarred. Again I fall. Wasted. Hated. But then again how can you break what's already been broken.
I'm glad that know I'm happy. I'm glad along the hard times and bumpy winding road, I have a few friends that I get call buddies. I guess what suck then is slowly turn out to be not bad for me. Do I deserve it all? Who knows.. I still wish some would just not make me feel this way again. I don't wanna be the sad emo girl. Heck, I'm 19 already. I should be mature no?
At least, I'm able to control my emotions and feelings in reality at college and work. Only at this very place I get to say what I wanna say. Feel what I feel. Write what I wanna write and just let out all my dissatisfaction and frustration here and now. And you do not deserve to judge cause you don't even care. Therefore, you don't deserve to judge nor complaint. Hah! bleh. Who am I kidding la wei. I'm sorry if some of my words hurt you or offended you. I'm just all over the place.