Come Away With me

Shhhh.. Don't speak till you read. Don't judge till you judge yourself.
Just a place for me to speak freely without anyone breathing down my neck
and just judging who I am and what I write about.
If you do have something to say nonetheless then I shall listen. :]

For a more photographic blog do hop over the links and click on 'My Tumblr Blog'.

So Come Away With Me to my side of the story and hear me out.
Natalie Law

Come Away With Me, 10:31 PM, Friday, March 28, 2008

"Until I Get Over You"

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain, every time I hear your name

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you

Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you

When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you

I was the naive fool afterall. All this time since the start I taken a risk that I know I will end up here right now where I always have been broken and empty. Thinking that I had move from the place I pause but actually I didnt. Its unfair it always was and it never change. Call it curse call it what so ever I couldn't care anymore.

You told me once it wasn't a dream it was real and you were real. Was it just words said to comfort me cause I'm scared of the dark. I should have listen to my head instead of my heart that lead me here. Why do I go through so much and end up with nothing. I guess I didn't had anything from the start ain't it? It was a just a dream afterall. From the drink to the scar to the place where we are now. All feels so distant.

Finally I asked, you said stop and I shall. I should have known what I gotten myself into from the beginning but as what a fool does, I didn't read the warning signs and keep going thinking I might be different. Who was I to think I could change things. Who was I to think that I could have been the friend you wished. I'm nothing but myself where is not enough for anyone even myself. It hurts. As naive and dump as I can be all this years, I'm sorry to say I've learn nothing but fallen again. I will keep falling till I get over you... Maybe I came into your life at the wrong time or never should had step in. I 爱得太迟.

Come Away With Me, 2:49 PM, Saturday, March 22, 2008

I got loads of questions in my head and it can't be answered. My heart is insecure as always. My head is filled with thoughts that brings me down. With a insecure heart with a head filled with thoughts and un-answered questions I'm in a state where I feel dumb and stupid for being like this. I'm missing a lot of things.

I'm missing my friends that I use to love and care. I missed someone more. Some are far and distant and yet some are close but far and distant by heart. I know the feeling of being with so many friends and having so many friends around but in reality feel so left out like and outcast, feel so alone then ever cause you know you can't click with them or they don't wanna click with you and also knowing that they don't care bout you or even bother to care. Its like friends with benefits where when they need you only they will find you and "talk" to you?

It hurts really... It hurts when you wanna be there each step and everything so I can just capture the moment but I don't want to annoy your friends or let them think and have the feeling I'm a stalker or being nosy in everything of their lives. And "cause it's all so dark and mysterious, when the one you want doesn't want you too. I gave myself away completely but you just couldn't see me..."(part of Siberia lyric) I'm not good or smooth with words. So its hard for me to like express how I feel all these times with friends or when I'm with them.

Some may know that its a huge step for me to be honest with friends and share my thoughts and feeling cause I know I need them and a part of me want them to need me too. Is stupid I know. What era are we in you would say, I know. I told Ming Wai one night on the phone and said I don't let anyone be close enough to be my good friend still I end up letting those anyone to be close to me. That night that phone call was me being truly honest with a friend where I told him my fears and darkest feelings. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe my defense is not strong as it was at high school. Maybe I'm just lying to myself. But one thing is true that is I'm too naive.

I feel like an ASS for always wanting to be in everyone life till at a point I know I've forgotten to just let it go and move on for them to be free. Its better for one to suffer then both. I don't believe in the quote "Friends come and go." I still think its my fault for every dis-functional, every broken, every empty, every weird awkward, every moment of silence and unhappy friendship and relationship. I always tell myself, "Wouldn't it be better if all of my friends hadn't know me or meet me... They would be happier compare to now! They deserve better and should find a friend where is nothing like ME."

I hate myself for being who I am at times. I blame myself in almost everything. Writing this post is the 1st huge step in being honest with anyone who reads this. Sorry for every single thing. Really am sorry..

Is it me or is it just you treat me is different form how you treat the rest? I feel I'm being treated differently and I feel so wrong. Like when your with me you wont be as happy with the rest or with someone else. I feel like I'm in your way in everything. I feel like I taking up all your precious time. I feel like I've inflected pain on you that left a scar. I feel like I'm holding you back from yourself around me. I feel like I was a mistake. I feel like I'm just nothing to you. I feel like it was wrong for you to have met me. I feel like I have to leave you and let you just be with who you feel best with...

I wanna not be an ass anymore. I wanna stop bleeding. I wanna not have no air. I wanna stop all the pain for you and myself. I wanna stop bringing myself down. I want you to be free from everything of me. I want you to erase me. I want you to be just HAPPY. I wanna be just Natalie. I wanna live on where I need you or you guys and that you don't have to need me back...

Come Away With Me, 2:06 PM,

Last week came back from Jogja or Yogja. My inbox fly up to 120+ which it never happen in the past cause I wouldnt let it. Then now its like 160+. God. I hate to go delete then or read them. Lets just say I'm not in the mood. I'm tired.

Busy with Mat Salleh(Ang Mo) season at Starbucks now. Loads of hot guys and hot girls even PLASTICS! They are pretty easy going but for the plastics they go can I get a non-fat this and that with sugar free Vanilla syrup. I was like at the bar and I tell myself WTH sugar free Vanilla syrup?! My 1st time really seeing a plastic with her BFF. Meet a couple who is what they call themsleves TexasMalaysia. Their 2nd home is Malaysia. How sweet right? They been to Africa and told me that its really heartbreaking there and you have to carry an M16 everywhere you go. Its a joke bout the M16.

I love my job as a Barista. No matter how tired or stress or tension or down or emo I am... When I see a customer its all forgotten and I just smiled with my big metal smile and entertain them. End up both side are happy and get the Starbucks Experience that we have Promise to them. Starbucks is having a new theme that started just yesterday that is OUR PROMISE, "Your drink should be perfect, every time. If not, let us know and we’ll make it right." We are back to basic now. What makes Starbucks the best leading coffee company is because we partners put customer 1st before anything. We communicate with them and just do things unexpected for them and let them have the Starbucks Experience that we boast about all this years.

Come Away With Me, 9:41 PM, Monday, March 17, 2008

Who could ever say I didn't enjoy any vacation with our own family moreover together with a bunch of fun AUNTIES not to forget having a best close friend to share it with! It might not be as funny with Wai and the ever so laughing Mun and ever so cute Seng and their parents. I enjoyed every moment of the trip besides having to put with with snorings of my DAD, MOM and KEN! Its like DO RE MI! DO is dad, RE is mom and MI is Ken. God they were like singing and singing. I didnt get some sleep at all like every 5-10 minutes I have to wake up and wake my dad so he would stop snoring! Annoying like a bug. I slept on the floor some more.
Okay so lets get started. Took a flight from LCCT to Yojarkarta International Aiport or some may say Jogjarkarta or Jogja. Ken camwhore most of the time during the flight that's just so my lil brother Ken. Took taxi to Hotel Ibis that is next to a small shopping mall its smaller than Desa Complex but got McD! After that we went for a ride which the view was awesome. Got dinner that was not really our type cause its too sweet then went back and got like loads of mineral water and loads of JUNK FOOD! ITS really CHEAP! Finally go back to room and snoozing for most of us....

Next morning woke up at 3:30am to catch Sunrise at Borobudur which we failed cause wrong timing so most slept through out the journey on the bus. And I was just snapping photos of the views. The morning streets are really quiet and some how very safe and warm. Got to Borobudur walk a lil to the top tour guide explain bla bla bla how this temple came and what it is and bla bla bla. Took group photos, family photos and teen photos.
Oh ya... There was a local school field trip where I guess its an all girl school in purple. We sort of became famous and like superstars. We took photos with them and they took alot back. Was like look here... 123 then look here 123... Went on like snap snap snap snap. Snaping away with their Film Camera. Ken was the STAR cause girls wanted to take an alone photos with him. He got his fame for that time only.
Went back to bus got caught up with alot of "salesman" which makes us feel bad cause they work so hard and earn so lil. It was really a hard sight to see for me, Ken and specially Vina. On the way back to town Ken spotted a bus with Mama Vina on its window. We 3 sang behind the bus while others continue snoozing it their dreamlands... Later on went to Sultan Place which was invaded buy Yellows and Blues from different local schools. They are really lucky in a way then us. Then carry on to Water Place then had lunch then went to the last temple which Phrambanan an Hindu temple where we are told to buy only 3152 4D number. Lol! Joking..
After all the temples we went for Sliver and stuff that was too expensive to buy as usual. Finally dinner which I was really hungry. Go back to the hotel had a lil walk in front of the mall where there was a row of shops like Petalling Street. Loads of nice Tees. Ended up got my mood down cause people there smoke like they are drinking water! So shower then sleep for most people again!

Final day got up feeling so tired and like lost of energy. Last day was for the ladies to Shop Shop & Shop where they bargain like their hobby. Went with one bag came back with TWO! I totally salute them. Lol. Well that's it for my sumary for the whole trip. Now photo time... =)
Okay I wanna apologize cause I'm really lazy to rearrange the photos according to the way it should. I'm tired from work. So bare with me a lil, k? I'm really lazy to even add on captions to guide you guys. Sowie...

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